I’m a bit nervous to go too deeply personal on a games blog, but I thought I’d share the following (I’m still sticking with the subject matter after all! Well, kind of) and also I think it would be nice to have a bit of a personal twist to my posts every now and then as well. I’ve have been thinking how much nicer my board games Instagram is compared to my other account where I’m guaranteed at least 3 unfollows every time I post, and to be honest I’ve been using the other one less and less. I’m happy to say (and am possibly being naive, but I do like to hope) that people in the board game community seem very friendly, open and generally a nice bunch of people! And I like to think that those words sum me up too. I find it really hard and exhausting to be cold, mean and closed. I’m a friendly, ridiculously polite Brit, a little harebrained, silly as hell, I love helping others, connecting with people, and if I’m upset I usually throw things behind closed doors and have a rant and cry to my nearest and dearest.
I had a really hard week last week, and an especially horrible day on Friday which has made me feel quite low and anxious all weekend. I’m in a difficult position at the moment of having to go back to work somewhere I really don’t like after finishing my maternity leave, and some incidents on Friday (involving complete strangers being pretty vile to me) made me feel belittled and horrible about myself. Then the unhelpful negative thoughts start to creep in and everything i’m doing seems pointless. I am frustrated with myself that I would let some nasty people who don’t even know me doubt myself. I’ve worked in some pretty bad places before, i’m used to people being people, not everyone is nice or friendly. Fair enough. I hear all the time how no one likes working, you work to pay the bills, I should be grateful in this day and age to have a job, and I have a baby now so why would I want to do anything else? Well for a start I am very aware that a job is a job, and most people don’t go skipping to work with happiness every day. But I don’t think it’s wrong of me to WANT just a bit of that! If I’m going to work part time to help pay the bills and support my family why should I work somewhere where I am at risk of being verbally abused and humiliated? That’s not right. I always aspire to do something I want to do, that makes me a little bit excited and stimulated and not brain dead and sad. I love spending time with my daughter and I have a lot to look forward to with her but i’ve always been an ambitious creative person so why on earth does that have to stop now i’m a Mum? I’d love my future job to incorporate what I love.
So that aside, today I had two different people say positive comments about my blog, a fellow blogger shared some helpful information with me, and another Insta gamer expressed an interest in the game I’m designing. I can see that people from different places around the world are viewing my blog as well! How exciting! It really made my day today especially after being so low. I am very much enjoying meeting like minded people through places like Instagram, and to the people who read my blog and to the very kind people who reached out to me today- thank you! It helped more than you know.
Shout out! A great blog on Board Game Geek by Allen