It’s been over a month since I had my eureka moment and started the scary process of actually putting my thoughts down and beginning a journey. I honestly think that’s the scariest thing you can do, and you can only go upwards from there.
So far my game has had a a few major design tweaks and a full redesign that I am currently working on now. I play tested it a few times and thought I loved my idea. But when I started playing it I realised it wasn’t flowing and I was actually only finding one aspect of it enjoyable. So I went back to the drawing board to figure out why this was. Then a week of total blankness where nothing was happening and my brain had definitely melted. Now I think i’ve got it, and I know where I’m going with it, but it’s going to be a hard road ahead. I could find that the same thing happens a few times before I achieve a truly good game. So this brought me to my first major lesson; have patience and don’t lose heart. When I have an idea and start creating something I am so gung-ho about it, and if I don’t meet my own expectations quickly enough I feel impatient and frustrated. In short I start fighting with myself. My original estimate of having something ready in a year or even 18 months was a stretch. I’ve had to reign myself in a bit and think ‘ok, this is going to take a while, it’s going to take a lot of hard work and patience but stick with it’ and I’ve got to give myself a break here and there for not meeting my own self imposed deadlines. I’d rather have something amazing and well thought out than rushed and not ready. Also the more times that passes the more games I’ll play, the more research I’ll do and hopefully the better product I’ll have.
I can’t wait to start sharing what it’s all about but it’s still so early on so I don’t want to jump the gun, but the theme is based on my other favourite topic; I am a self confessed horror, paranormal and supernatural junkie. I had a few ideas about themes and this is definitely the one I knew most about that somehow fitted in with the mechanics I had in mind. It’s also going to be a card game. Because as you know from reading my blog or seeing my Instagram I am pretty obsessed with cards.
Also i’ve had to look on the positive side of things, because I can get quite down on myself. I was worrying that my ‘failures’ in the past (not getting the job I sought after my degree, opening and closing an online shop etc etc) would mean that this might end up being something which fails epically. But I was thinking maybe all those things that have happened in the past have actually paved way for making a success of something now, because all of those things I didn’t succeed at I did learn things from, I did acquire skills I didn’t have before. And hey, i’ve created a life and have a amazing baby who I have been responsible for and nurtured for almost a year, and made it through one of the hardest times i’ve ever had, so that’s pretty damn special. I really need to re-read this when I have a down moment!
So it’s going to be another week and another balancing act of working, looking after my daughter (who is an almost 11 month old bundle of joy and destruction) playing games and designing my own. Who knows where i’ll be by the end of it, but everyday i’m always one step closer to where I was yesterday.